You will agree that our lives and mode of doing things are changing everyday. Our lives are getting busier by the day, and this also affects our relationship too. Most relationships (marriages) are now having expiration dates, this is going by the rising number of divorces in our society these days.
Whether a relationship fizzles out in brief moments or lasts forever as human, we can not really stop looking for close companionship or love. And as a man, having gone through an unsuccessful relationship (marriage), a recently divorced man will display no different characteristic, he is no different. Since he is still human there is every tendency that he will try to reach out for affection, love, care somehow. And there is a probability that you will find yourself on his map.
So, now, from a woman’s point of view, as a woman, if dating a divorced, man any different? If so how different? Well since he is a divorced man, is the woman at risk of a heartbreak? Sincerely… I will say yes. The exactly reasons for this may vary, but the vulnerable condition of mind that comes with a separation is mostly the cause that is behind a man unstable behaviour.
Considering all these, is dating a divorcee a strict NO? While it a lot of people may say No and others say Yes, I will say it is really difficult to stick to a Yes or a No. I think the major thing here is to understand what is in it for you. What you stand to gain from such relationship, with a man who has just got out of a marriage.
TRUE HAPPINESS AND FINING IT.
As the saying goes, when you are in love you would know it. Some people, since the relationship is still at its early stage, may find it really difficult to know exactly where the relationship is going or even know if this guy is for keeps. But there are some certain signs that are not mistakable that go to tell you that he is the one.
To start off, it will be uncertain and maybe even unfair to expect anything… even concrete from a man who has just become single. It would be on good advice to take each day as it comes and lower your expectations. If anything do not expect anything coming from him. Do not rush anything even if it is so angelic and heavenly whenever you are with him.
Divorce, it proceedings, come with a lot of emotional trauma, distress, and uncomfort. Ladden with divorce also is the financial burden that comes with it. This could be all messy and to complicate it all will be if he has children coming out of the marriage. He is really having his hands full and may have a hard time concentrating on your relationship with him. This is the time you need to sit and ask yourself if this is what you want. Is this what you want? Are you ready for such emotional exercise? Are you ready to play second fiddle to all his issues and problems? Will it all be worth it?
It is undeniable that a recently divorced man comes with a lot of weighty baggage. He may just be as broken as his broken marriage. There is a possibility that he is at a phase where he just wants to vent off his hatred. His hatred for relationships, or just wants to enjoy his newly found freedom. Whatever the case may be it is on strong advice that you steer clear of being the unfortunate victim of such circumstance.
When you find your self in this kind of situation, this kind of dilemma, it is better to give this man his space. Give him his space to sort himself out, straighten out his issues before he gets into a relationship with you. IF you push him or steer him to give unwilling attention to your relationship needs, you may just send him away altogether. This will not be fair to any of you. You are entitled to find your happiness and you do not need to compromise on that.
THERE IS THE EX. SHE IS A FACTOR. HANDLING IT.
As a man newly out of his marriage, freshly divorced, his ex wife may still be lurking in the corner and may probably come up as a topic for discussion. She may even be omitted totally. Which ever may be the case, his will not translate will for you as this means that she is still on his mind. That is is not talking regularly about her does not mean she is no more on his mind. He may just be eve thinking of something related to her… an alimony, maybe they are dividing their assets, child/ children visits, child/ children custody etc. Speaking of which, if there are children, they will be a permanent figure in the equation of the two of you. In the beginning you may not really come into the picture, but eventually they will come to affect and play a major role in your life directly or indirectly.
Finances may become an issue at sometime as divorces are very expensive especially in the western world. This may just leave holes in his pocket and this will most definitely affect his disposition. Your new found man may just want to get back to his feet even if you are dependent or independent of him. He may prioritize his re-stabling his accounts and all over building a relationship with you and this may probably leave you feeling alone. Are you going to like this? Probably not, think about this.
PAY ATTENTION. PAY A LOT OF ATTENTION.
This attention and most importantly his behaviour holds the key to your relationship. He may want to play around and enjoy the fields. Maybe even like they say “re-sow some wild oats”. This will not come as a good news to you if you are looking for something real or long term.
Below are some signs you are to watch out for and it is strongly advised that you turn around and bolt should you see any of them.
*He is always whining about his miseries. This becomes the center of your discussion. This just leaves you as the should he needs to cry on.
*’Friend with benefits’, casual, ‘booty partner’, ‘just good friends’. These becomes some common terms to describe your relationship.
*You are a few months on and you have not met with any friends/ colleague of his.
*Months into your relationship with him you have not been to his home. He mostly prefers yours.
Summarily, you have to be very cautious. Use your head and always listen to the voice of reason in your head, never shut it out. You have just found a guy that is probably at his most vulnerable state right now. You should give him time and space. He needs to clear his mind and plate, to re-figure himself out. Concentrate on being friends first. If it is meant to be special for both of you will catch that eventually.
Photo Credit: CBC.ca