My Ex just told me she wants to Be my Friend
To write on this I will use a practical example that happened to me recently. This is really timely. Let us dig in.
A female friend (let us name her Jane for the purpose of this write up) wrote me recently a message and she said her ex wants to be friends and was seeking my opinion on the matter. Before I give my opinion on the matter let us build this up so you understand this clearly. My friend dated this guy for four years and all of a sudden the guy started behaving funny and for almost a year the relationship was going without a direction.
He started indulging in things that originally was not his style – smoking, keeping late nights and a lot of other things that really got my friend scared. And then out of the blues he comes up saying he is done with the relationship and cannot go on any more.
Jane had to deal with a near death rejection and heart break and a lot would have happened to her within that time.
Now to the issue at hand… after a space of another one year this guy is back asking to be friends.
Now Jane needs my help to see if this is okay for her or not. And my questions to her to help us clarify this are just a few which we will be discussing under our topic… ‘My Ex Wants to Be Friends’…
1. Why is he back? This is a question you have to ask yourself. What has changed so differently?
What are his intentions? On what ground did he break up initially?
2. Why did he break up in the first place.
A relationship is a wonderful thing and heart break is a very painful thing. If after a while you are all moved on and some past with no strong reason comes knocking I suggest you keep door shut. This case may differ with relationships or with couples. But if the story is just same with that above I suggest you just move one and do not look back.
I would advice a few steps if this happens to you.
1. What ever you do, do not make a hasty or drastic decision. Take some time out to really think about it all before you come to any decision.
2. Another thing I will like you to consider is ‘do you want the person back’? Yes they may be coming as friends but there is a possibility that it may extend. Be very true to yourself. If there is a feeling that the returning party is going to become a problem with the good you now have in your life then there is no need to accept.
But if you truly miss this person and you feel you want them back then just take that step. A good and hearty conversation, a few about the past and some fun stuff can help. But if you are truly okay with your current relationship then you guys can just be friends.
You will be doing yourself a huge dis-service if you are not true to yourself and listen to your instincts.
3. Respect your current relationship: It is only nice and respectful to let you current partner know that your ex wants to be friends. If they find out themselves they may he help themselves with an opinion or two.
In any relationship communication is very important. I for one will like my partner to tell me if this happen to her. I will appreciate it if it were me.
4. You can say ‘NO’… Its quite okay. The understanding of this point can not be over emphasized.
Photo Credit: Svgym