As you probably know by now, people who are siblings have disagreements, let alone lovers. In romantic relationships fights and disagreements are bound to happen and when they happen how you handle them are very important.
When two people are together for a very long time, having their lives intertwined they are bound to have some disagreement. These disagreements could be small or big. The size does not really matter. They could range from what to eat for dinner, a house chore that is yet to be completed, whether or not to attend a function, the kind of education for the kids, who should resign for the sake of the kids and so on.
It is important to note here that the mere fact that there is a conflict or disagreement or a fight does not mean the relationship is in jeopardy. What is important is the fact that it was resolved and also HOW it was resolved.
Conflict can even be said to make relationships stronger as you get to understand your partner more. Get to also know what they dislike and like. Getting to know and understand you partner is very key in a relationship as to get to come to a conclusion that is best for both of you and you continue to move on. Looking at the other side of it conflict could escalate and go out of hand. What we are trying to do here is to improve the odds of a successful conflict resolution.
Below are some tips that will help.
-Come directly. I for one will not like my partner to act her unhappy feelings to me. I would prefer to know it right away. Some people will not like or want to show that they are unhappy or there is conflict instead they will choose to take some indirect measures.
Some partners will choose to be evasive. This will not help anybody. Being direct will give your partner a better idea of the problem and give him or her a better way for response.
I know some people that will get irritated when their partners are being evasive or indirect.
-Communicate how you feel without blaming your partner. A man having a jealous girlfriend to deal with, saying to his girlfriend ‘you are irrational’ is just inviting her to be defensive.
Comments or statements that directly attack your partner’s character can be really destructive. It is best you stay away from such. Concentrate on how you feel in the situation. ‘I feel irritated when you say I am flirting with someone I am just having an innocent conversation with’. This is a direct tactics that does not impugn on your partner’s character.
Kindly note that this tactics does not really work for all couples e.g couples with bigger and more serious issues at hand might not turn out well.
-Never and Always. Never say never, always. An example will be better for this. “you never help me with chores”. ”you are always busy with your phone”. Comments like this are know to make your partner very defensive even when they are guilty. This may likely lead to you partner providing some situations that will counter your examples. This will hence not resolve the situation at hand.
It is a bad idea to put you partner on the defensive.
-Pick your fights/ battles. It is always better to deal with one issue at a time. Do not drag all your battles at once. This is a better way to identify a healthy relationship. Every possible argument does not have to be treated or handled at once.
The more arguments you raise the less likely you are to reach a conclusion.
-Be a good listener. Listen to your partner. This is a very good strategy to letting them know that what they they think or have to say is important. Each time you interupt you partner or assume you know what they want to say you are not letting them express themselves and this can be very bad.
Even if you are so sure about what they want to say there is still a small chance that you will be wrong and your partner will be left with the thought that you are not listening.
You can paraphrase them or even perception-check them as they speak. For example- ‘you feel unhappy with that comment… am I right’? With this you get a clear understanding of the thoughts of your partner and they come to understand that you are making an effort resolve the particular situation.
-Do not let negativity take the better part of you. This could be really bad and dangerous. Meeting you partner’s bad behaviour with a bad behaviour will be really bad. But trust me it will be worse to indulge them. Negativity plus negativity will only lead to more insults heated remarks. And as the conflict is left unresolved the heat escalats and could even turn to hatred.
–Understand your partner, take their perspective. Taking this angle will help you understand your partner more, you get to know why they acted the way they did and why they thought the way they thought. It has been found that those that are likely to take their partners side less likely to be in prolonged arguments with their partners.
-Do not show any sign of contempt for your partner. This will definitely not go well. In fact researchers have said this is a red flash pointing to a possible divorce.
-Know when it is time for a break. If you do not there is every possibility that your partner will assume that you are nagging. Leaving an argument unresolved is different from taking a break. If you find that the discussion is not taking a positive pattern this is a best time to call for a time out.
There is a high tendency that revisiting the issue again to be better with a destination insight.
Kindly remember that your comments are highly appreciated if you have an opinion or if this article has helped you.