In a relationship misunderstandings are bound to happen. These things are not strange and are in fact expected. Looking at their advantage, they help you to understand you partner more. You see, relationships have their up and also their downs and the anger during that period can affect a lot.
During this time you tend to start looking for negative things about your partner, his faults, his down parts as well. It is at this time that blames are apportioned. These seemingly harmless words can affect a relationship and should hence be addressed immediately and properly.
Resolving conflicts in a relationship quickly is best if you want to move blame, hate and ANGER.
HOW TO COOL YOUR TEMPER DURING A MISUNDERSTANDING/ FIGHT. Here we will discuss some ways to control your anger. This is not only useful in a relationship but also in most aspects of life.
-Learn to think before speaking; This is a quality and has to be understood and learnt. While it may be very fulfilling and easy to let all your anger in words be expressed try not to say every thing you feel with without taking some time to think on them.
It would be very easy to say things you will regret later or that might hurt your partner. If you feel your partner just said something that you should respond to, take a moment, step back and gather your thoughts.
-Take a long deep breath; This technique has been know to calm the body and also the mind. This comes highly recommended.
Try to practice this technique when you are in a natural or normal state and the try it again when you are upset or angry and take note of how it helps you to be calm.
Anytime you start having a feeling of anger take some moment to practice the breathing technique. When doing this, it is best to breathe from your diaphragm not from your chest. The best effects come when it is from the diaphragm.
-Have a calming phrase you repeat; This is usually recommended for those that are having a hard time with the handling of their anger. The aim is to use the phrase to remind your to get it all together. To help you keep your composure. Majorly to keep you in check and not allow your anger, emotions get the best of you.
I taught my friend to practice counting down from 10-1 and tell himself ”James you need to chill, calm down”.
Know yourself and know if you need both the phrase and the count down or just the phrase will do for you when you feel your anger rising.
-Express your feeling and thoughts in a calm way; The aim of this piece is not to make you bottle up your feelings. It is very important that you express yourself and your feeling but do that in a calm way since the expectation is to communicate and to be understood.
A calm expression is possible even if you feel very angry. It is a better practice to express yourself without assigning blames or guilt around or hurting your partner’s feelings. Try to avoid using the ‘you’ statement. Instead use the ‘I’. For example, instead of ‘you make me really mad when you say that’ say, I feel so mad when you say that’.
-You can call for a time out; This is usually called for especially when you are having a hard time getting your feeling together or your feel the discussion is not getting anywhere positive. You must let your partner know that the discussion is important to you but you need to time out… a break.
You should take the time to do what ever it takes to calm your nerves down. Take a walk, for me, I would take a quick bath or just splash water on my face. A these just aimed at calming myself down. Kindly note that the time out or break is not an avenue to hide or run away from the discussion but it is used to gain some composure.
HANDLING THE ANGER.
Anger does not just come out of no where. You have to be aware of the signs that have been known to be common. Your body communicates anger before any form of emotional reaction.
Some of them you need to watch out for are;
-flushed face/ feelings -headache -clenched fist, jaw, muscle tension, -faster breathing -pacing -increased heart beat.
Be in charge of your anger. It is coming from you so you have to be in control. Anger is usually about how you feel and not how people make you feel. It is important that you do not pass blames around and accept that your anger is your responsibility so strive to handle your anger appropriately.
Take care of the external issues or factor; You also need to know if the external factors are having an effect on you. Some of the common external or outside factors I am talking about here include, not getting enough rest, hunger, financial issues, sick kids etc.
If this is having an effect on you in the relationship then this is a mismanagement and can hurt your partner. You need to take care of these.
Take care of the core/ primary issues. Some times anger has been known to be a result of some deeper emotions inside one. It is important that you think very well if you are truly angry or jut responding to some inner feeling of guilt, sadness, rejection etc.
If anger is what you express regularly then this is likely the case.
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